As sure as kids return to school each Fall in the U.S., bullying will
be encountered in the classroom each school year. In these early days
of September classes, would-be aggressors are getting a feel for who
they think might be an easy mark in the class. As the days wear on and a
young person confirms that he or she can pick on specific classmates
without their standing up for themselves, their bullying behavior
escalates.
Assertive responses are particularly effective in
countering bullying because the child who masters this type of direct,
emotionally honest communication demonstrates that a bully's attacks
will be answered in a fair, but formidable way. Finding the initial
target to be too powerful to provoke, the child who bullies will most
often move on.
Before the school year gets into full swing,
parents and teachers can teach their kids these four easy-to-remember,
simply-to-apply rules for using assertive communication to STAND up to
bullying behavior.
Rule 1: Show Strength
Showing
strength does not mean flexing muscles or challenging a bully to arm
wrestle. Rather, teach kids to show their inner strength by speaking
with a confident, even voice and standing an appropriate distance from
the bully (not in their face, not shrinking back). Also, encourage your
child to look a bully directly in the eye. Making eye contact is one of
the best ways that young people can demonstrate strength to a bully.
Rule 2: Tell a Trustworthy Adult
The
main strategy of a child who bullies is to make his victim feel alone
and powerless. The best way for a child to counter that strategy is to
tell a helpful adult about what is going on and ask for that adult's
support. When the aggressive young person realizes that he will not be
able to keep a victim isolated -- that the victim is strong enough to
reach out and connect with others -- he begins to lose power.
Sometimes
adults fail to acknowledge the seriousness of bullying, but more often,
grown-ups are not aware of what is going on. These days, intimidators
use non-classroom time, including the internet, to bully their peers. It
is a kid's job to bring these behind-the-scenes methods to light and to
create awareness in adults about bullying.
Many kids worry that they will be called a "tattletale" if they tell an adult what is going on. Guess what? That is exactly
what the bully wants his/her target to think! A child who bullies
others specifically aims to make his victim feel all alone and
powerless. When kids tell an adult about what is happening and get their
support, they regain their voice!
If your child has tried to
manage a bullying situation on his own, but has been unsuccessful in
stopping the bullying, reassure him that telling an adult is the next
step and the most powerful thing he can do.
Rule 3: Assert Yourself
In the heat of an
encounter with a physically, verbally or emotionally aggressive peer, it
can be very challenging for a child to respond effectively. When kids
learn and practice assertive phrases for standing up to bullies, they
become well-equipped to handle incidents of conflict and bullying with
their peers.
Parents and educators can teach, rehearse and role
model short, to-the-point, assertive phrases that let others know that
they will not participate in their bullying, nor will they be bullied.
In my workshops with kids, I nickname these types of phrases Bully Bans and give kids practice generating original phrases such as:
• "Not cool!"
• "Knock it off."
• "Cut it out."
• "I like the way I look."
• "That was not funny."
• "I can take a joke, but what you said was not funny--it was mean."
• "Friends don't do that to friends."
The
important thing to remember about assertive phrases is that they do not
put down or attack the bully, which is never a good idea. Likewise, Bully Bans
are not effective when said through tears or a whining voice. Bully
Bans are simply brief, assertive statements used to stand up to bullies
and stop bullying behavior.
Rule 4: Now!
One
of the biggest mistakes people make when they are up against a bully is
to ignore repeated bullying and hope that the problem will go away.
While bullying usually begins in a relatively mild form -- name calling,
teasing or minor physical aggression -- it often becomes more serious
when the bully realizes that his victim is not going to STANd up for
himself. The longer a bully has power over a victim, the stronger the
hold becomes. Taking action against the bully -- and taking it sooner
rather than later -- is the best way to gain and retain power.
Friday, September 5, 2014
4 Rules to Help Kids Stand Up to Bullying in Schools
Added Friday, September 05, 2014,
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