Bullying: What You Need to Know (infographic)

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Teasley Elementary Anti Bullying Video

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8 Ways to Change How Your Child Views Bullying

Optimistic kids have the ability to adapt to, handle and overcome difficult situations. Although many kids that are able to think positive, or look on the bright side, may have some biological inclination towardpositive thinking, researchers have found that optimism also can be learned. Here are some ways to increase your child’s ability to think positive, especially when faced with bullying.

Watch for and correct negative thinking. For instance, if your child magnifies the negative aspects of a situation and filters out anything that is positive, then address this issue by helping your child find the silver lining even in the most difficult situations. Also, correct any self-blaming behaviors. Bullying is always a choice made by the bully. Your child is not to blame for the choices of another person nor is there something wrong with him.

Incorporate humor into your child’s life. Bullying is tough and going through it is not funny. But this does not mean that every minute of the day has to be painful. Be sure your child finds ways to smile or laugh, especially within a supportive group of friends. You also can schedule a favorite event or activity that always brings a smile.Help your child identify goals. In order for your child to learn how to think positive, he must be able to take the focus off the pain of the bullyingand address how he is going to move beyond the situation. For instance, help your child brainstorm on how to address the situation. Should he ignore the bully or respond in some way? The idea is that your child will stop thinking about how bad he feels and focus on what he can do to stand up to the bullying.

Teach your child to recognize negative thinking. Encourage him to periodically stop throughout the day and examine what he is thinking. The goal is that he would learn how to recognize when his thoughts are heading down a negative or destructive path. Teach him how to take that thought captive and think about something positive instead. It may help to give him some positive statements he can say like “I am a good person,” “I am smart and capable,” or “I can do this.”

Surround your child with positive friends. Be sure your child is spending time with friends who are positive in their outlook on life. Positive, supportive friends will be more likely to your child helpful advice and feedback. Meanwhile, friends who tend to be negative may increase your child’s stress level. It also can cause your child to doubt their ability tocope with the bullying.

Teach your child the value of positive self-talk. Begin by encouraging your child to be gentle and encouraging when thinking about his situation. And when a negative thought enters his mind, he should learn evaluate it rationally and respond with something positive instead. For kids that really struggle with positive self-talk, it may help for them to read encouraging quotes, post them in their room and record them in a journal. Repeating these affirmations will help your child develop a habit of positive and uplifting thinking.

Encourage him to view the world differently. When bullying occurs, it can be very easy for kids to assume the world is a bad place, filled with evil people. Find ways for your child to see that not everyone is mean or hurtful. If you help him to view the world in less judgmental ways, this will help him become more positive. And he may even become less critical about the world around him.

Be patient. If your child tends to have a negative outlook on life, even before the bullying began, do not expect him to become an optimist overnight. With practice, eventually his thinking will contain less self-criticism and more self-acceptance.

Keep in mind that even if your child learns how to think positive, doesn’t mean that he won’t experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain and sadness are common when kids have been bullied. It’s how they deal with that emotional pain that matters. And when kids are optimistic, they will be able to defend themselves against bullying much more effectively than those who think negatively about it.

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Tips for parents dealing with a bullying child

• Learn about your child's life. If your behavior at home isn't negatively influencing your child, it's possible his or her friends or peers are encouraging the bullying behavior. Your child may be struggling to fit in or develop relationships with other kids. Talk to your child. The more understand about his or her life, the easier you'll be able to identify the source of the problem.
• Educate your child about bullying. Your child may have difficulty reading social signs or may not understand how hurtful and damaging their behavior can be. Foster empathy and awareness by encouraging your child to look at their actions from the victim’s perspective. Remind your child that bullying can have legal consequences.
• Manage stress. Teach your child positive ways to manage stress. Your child’s bullying may be an attempt at relieving stress. Or your own stress, anxiety, or worry may be creating an unstable home environment. Exercise, spending time in nature, or playing with a pet are great ways for both kids and adults to let off steam and relieve stress.
• Set limits with technology. Let your child know you’ll be monitoring his or her use of computers, email, and text messaging. Limit the amount of time they spend playing video games and watching TV. Numerous studies reveal that many popular TV shows and violent video games celebrate negative values, reduce empathy, and encourage aggression in kids.
• Establish consistent rules of behavior. Make sure your child understands your rules and the punishment for breaking them. Children may not think they need discipline, but a lack of boundaries sends a signal that the child is unworthy of the parents’ time, care, and attention.

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Warning signs your child may be a bully

Your child:

• Frequently becomes violent with others
• Gets into physical or verbal fights with others
• Gets sent to the principal’s office or detention a lot
• Has extra money or new belongings that cannot be explained
• Is quick to blame others
• Will not accept responsibility for his or her actions
• Has friends who bully others
• Needs to win or be best at everything

Source: StopBullying.gov

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If you are being bullied, remember:

• Don’t blame yourself. It is not your fault. No matter what someone says or does, you should not be ashamed of who you are or what you feel.
• Be proud of who you are. Despite what a bully says, there are many wonderful things about you. Keep those in mind instead of the messages you hear from bullies.
• Get help. Talk to a parent, teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult. Seeing a counselor does not mean there is something wrong with you.
• Learn to deal with stress. Finding ways to relieve stress can make you more resilient so you won’t feel overwhelmed by bullying. Exercise, meditation, positive self-talk, muscle relaxation, and breathing exercises are all good ways to manage the stress from bullying.

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10 Ways to Prevent School Bullying

Bullying at school can affect your child in a number of ways. Not only does it have a negative impact on the social environment, but it also creates an atmosphere of fear among students.
Bullying also impacts learning regardless of whether your child is a target of bullying or just a witness. So, the need to address bullying is significant. But schools cannot address the issue alone. Preventing bullying requires your involvement too. Here are the top 10 things parents can do to prevent bullying at school.

1.  Begin at home.

Talk with your child about what constitutes healthy friendships and what does not. Although research suggests that parents are often the last to know when their child is being bullied or has bullied someone else, you can break that trend by talking with your kids every day about their social lives. Ask open-ended questions about who they had lunch with, what they did at recess and what happened on the bus or on the walk home from school.

2.  Learn the warning signs.

Many children don't tell anyone when they have been bullied. As a result, you have to be able to recognize the possible signs that your child is being bullied. For instance, complaining about stomachaches, avoiding school activities and dropping grades are red flags that something is going on. Additionally, kids who are bullied may experience changes in mood, personality, eating habits and hygiene.

3.  Instill healthy habits.

It’s very important to instill an anti-bullying mindset. But this includes more than just teaching your child not to hit, shove or tease other kids. Kids should learn that being critical, judgmental, making hurtful jokes and spreading rumors are also unhealthy and constitute bullying. It's also never too early to teach your kids about responsible online behavior. Cyberbullying is a big issue among kids today.

4.  Empower your kids.

Give your kids tools for dealing with bullying like walking away, telling an adult or telling the bully in a firm voice to stop. You also should teach your kids how to report bullying when they witness it. Research shows that most kids feel powerless to help when they see another person being bullied. Equip them with ideas on how to handle these difficult situations.

5.  Become familiar with your school's policies.

It's important to have a firm grasp on how bullying is handled at your child's school. Not only will you know which person to call if something happens, but you also will have clear expectations of how the situation may be handled.

6.  Report bullying incidents.

Contact school personnel and ask to meet with them in person if your child is bullied. By holding a face-to-face meeting, you are demonstrating that you’re committed to seeing this issue resolved. You may also want to document all bullying incidents in case the situation escalates and law enforcement or other outside sources need to be contacted.

7.  Be an advocate.

While it's important to voice your support for bullying prevention, it's also important to offer your time. Volunteer to work with your child's teachers or your school's guidance counselor to develop an anti-bullying program. If your school already has a program in place, offer to help when events and fundraisers are held.

8.  Recruit other parents.

When a lot of parents are committed to bullying prevention, a school's program will be more successful. Form a group of motivated parents to help you tackle the issue. Meet regularly to brainstorm ideas. Then, share your ideas with the appropriate school officials and offer to help implement the ideas.

9.  Spend time at school.

Accept opportunities to volunteer at school functions and during the day if your schedule permits. With shrinking budgets, schools have been forced to downsize. As a result, your kids may be getting less supervision on the playgrounds and during lunch. Sometimes simply having an additional adult around is enough to deter bullying.

10.  Ask the PTA/PTO to sponsor a bullying prevention program.

If your school has limited funds for bullying programs, approach your school's PTA/PTO and ask for their assistance. Or, suggest a fundraiser to build awareness. Remember, bullying is not a normal part of childhood. Bullying affects everyone. But as a parent, you have the power to do something about it.

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55 Interesting Facts About Bullying

1. Research shows that half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years. More than 10% are bullied regularly.^d
2. More parents are allowing their young children to undergo plastic surgery to combat bullying. For example, Samantha Shaw, a 1st grader, underwent surgery to get her ears pinned back to prevent her from being bullied.^m
3. The word “bully” was first used in 1530 and originally applied to both genders and meant “sweetheart.” It is from the Dutch boel, meaning “lover” or “brother.” Around the seventeenth century, the term began to mean “fine fellow,” “blusterer,” and then “harasser of the weak.”^c
4. Over 30% of children who suffer a food allergy report having been bullied at school. While verbal abuse was the most common form of bullying, 40% reported having been physically threatened, such as having the allergen thrown or waved at them or being touched by the allergen. Food allergies affect an estimated three million children.ⁱ
5. Girls bully in groups more than boys do.^l
6. Though girls tend to use more indirect, emotional forms of bullying, research indicates that girls are becoming more physical than they have in the past.^l
7. Boys tend to bully according to group, such as “athlete” versus “non-athlete.” Girls tend to bully according to social status, such as “popular” vs. “non-popular.”^q
Bullying is an international problem
8. When boys bully, they tend to use more threats and physical intimidation on both boys and girls. Girls are usually more verbal and tend to target other girls.^d
9. Bullying happens not just in the United States but also all over the world. International researchers have demonstrated that bullying in schools is universal.^a
10. Several factors increase the risk of a child being bullied, including parental over-control, illness or disability, passivity, social phobia, agoraphobia, and higher levels and expression of general anxiety.^k
11. Many adults who were bullying victims report that over time, feelings of unhappiness and shame decreased. However, those who remembered bullying as intensely painful continued to show low self-esteem, depression, pathological perfection, and greater neuroticism.ⁿ
12. Researchers have found that bullying roles (those who bully and their victims) remain fairly stable throughout school. For example, even after switching to a new classroom, victims of bullying continued to be victims. However, by the age of 23, the roles become less stable and victims of bullies are not as harassed or socially isolated.ⁿ
13. Research by Fight Crime/Invest in Kids reports that 60% of boys who bullied from first grade through ninth grade were convicted of at least one crime by age 24 and 40% had three or more convictions by age 24.^q
14. The average bullying episode lasts only 37 seconds. Teachers notice or intervene in only one in 25 incidents.^o
15. “Bully-victims” are students who can be both a bully and a victim. They often have been victimized and then begin inflicting the same behavior on others. Those who are both bully and victim are at a higher risk than either bullies or victims for depression, high-conflict relationships, substance abuse, hyperactive behavior, and school truancy.^o
16. Children who have a learning disability or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder are more likely than other children to be bullied. They also are slightly more likely than others to bully.^e
17. Researchers note that if a victim fights a bully and the bully wins, this loss will only make matters worse for the victim. Consequently, researchers argue that fighting back should not be encouraged. Instead, the child should be encouraged to walk away and tell an adult if he feels someone is about to hurt him.^o
Bully victims can suffer lasting psychological harm
18. Those who felt bullied in 6th grade were more likely to report feelings of loneliness six years later. Those who bullied in 6th grade felt more overtly aggressive in 12th grade.ⁿ
19. Children with medical conditions that affect their appearance, such as spinal bifida and cerebral palsy, are more likely to be bullied.^e
20. Children who are obese are more likely to be bullied. Additionally, overweight and obese girls are more likely to be physically bullied.^g
21. Diabetic children who are dependent on insulin may be more prone to peer bullying.^e
22. Over 83% of adults who stuttered as children said they had been teased or bullied. Approximately 71% said that bullying happened at least once a week.^e
23. According to disability, harassment, civil, and criminal laws, bullying can easily become a crime.^l
24. If a school district does not take reasonable and appropriate steps to stop a child from being bullied, the district may be violating federal, state, and local laws. For more information, parents can contact the U.S. Department of Education Office or the U.S. Department of Education Office of Special Education Programs.^l
25. Teens who are gay are often subjected to such intense bullying that they do not receive an adequate education. They’re often embarrassed or ashamed to report the abuse.^f
26. Gay teens are three times more likely than heterosexual teens to report having been bullied. In contrast, gay teens were about 80% less likely than heterosexuals to say they had bullied someone else.^f
27. Megan Meier hanged herself three weeks before her 14th birthday in 2006 after receiving cruel messages on MySpace. A mother of one of her friends had created a false MySpace account to send Megan harassing emails. The bullying mother was indicted on the incident but was acquitted.^o
28. Bullies are more likely to engage in vandalism, shoplifting, truancy, and substance abuse than students who do not bully during early childhood. There is also a direct correlation between substance abuse and gun violence and bullying behavior.^o
29. Overly aggressive and overly permissive parents are equally likely to have children who bully.^o
30. Research clearly indicates that children as young as age 5 who continually observe bullying that goes unchecked or ignored by adults are at greater risk of becoming bullies themselves.^o
31. Boys are least likely to report bullying.^l
32. There is a connection between bullying and being exposed to violence. Unfortunately, by the time an average child enters kindergarten, he will have witnessed 8,000 murders on television.^o
Cyber bullies can be punished as sexual predators
33. Cyberbullying that is sexual can result in the bully being registered as a sex offender.^o
34. Some cyberbullies think that if they use a fake name, they won’t get caught. But there are many ways to track such bullies. Additionally, the things that bullies post online can affect college applications and getting a job in the future.^o
35. The number of adolescents who experience cyberbullying varies from 10%-40% or more, depending on the age of the group and how cyberbullying is technically defined.^o
36. Cyberbullying can be very different from bullying. First, victims often do not know who is bullying them or why, because the cyberbullies can hide their identity with anonymous emails or screen names. Second, cyberbullying can go viral, which means a larger number of people are aware of the bullying via the Internet. Third, it is easier to be cruel using technology because the bullies do not have to see the immediate response of their victims. Finally, many parents and teachers are not technologically savvy enough to be aware of what is going on online.^j
37. Only 1 in 10 victims of cyberbullying tell a parent. Fewer than 1 in 5 cyberbullying incidents are reported to the police.^o
38. There are typically three types of bullying: social (excluding victims from activities, rumors), verbal (threatening, taunting, teasing, hate speech), and physical (kicking, hitting, punching, choking).^o
39. Bullying can occur anywhere there is a perceived or real imbalance of power, ranging from in the home to an international level.^l
40. The two students involved in the 1999 Columbine massacre were described as gifted students who had been bullied for years. During the school shooting, the boys killed 13 people, injured 24, and then killed themselves.^o
41. Jingoism, or extreme patriotism, often leads to international bullying.^o
42. Researchers note that bullying escalates in the later years of elementary school, peaks in middle school, and then dissipates by high school. They also note that 6th grade is the worst year for bullying.^l
43. Academically gifted students, especially those with high verbal aptitude, are often bullied and are more likely than less gifted students to suffer emotionally.^b
44. In 2007, the five worst states for bullying in kindergarten through 12th grade were (1) California, (2) New York, (3) Illinois, (4) Pennsylvania, and (5) Washington.^h
45. Every day, 160,000 students skip school because they are afraid they will be bullied.^h
46. Thirty percent of students who say they have been bullied said they sometimes had brought weapons to school.^l
47. While teachers say they intervened 71% of the time in bullying incidents, students report that teachers intervened only 25% of the time.^o
48. Of the 37 school shootings reviewed by the U.S. Secret Service, bullying was involved in 2/3 of the cases.^o
49. Students see an estimated four out of every five bullying occurrences at school and join in about 3/4 of the time.^l
50. It is a myth that bullying will most likely go away when it is ignored. Ignoring bullies reinforces to them that they can bully without consequence.^o
Women are more likely to experience workplace bullying than men
51. It is likely that if someone was bullied in school, they will also be bullied in the workforce.ⁿ
52. Celebrities who report being bullied in high school include Lady Gaga (who was thrown in a garbage can), Rosario Dawson (for being flat chested), Fred Durst (known as an underdog), Kate Winslet (for being chubby), and Michael Phelps (for his gangly form and big ears).^p
53. A 2007 poll found that 1/3 of workers, or 54 million Americans, reported workplace bullying.^o
54. An estimated 40%-75% of bullying in schools takes place during breaks, such as during recess, at lunchtime, in the hallways, or in the restrooms.^o
55. According to a 2004 survey of 4th through 8th grade students, 53% of children reported that they used the Internet to say something negative about another child.^o

-- Posted June 29, 2011

References

^a Bingham, Jane. 2010. Taking Action against Bullying. New York, NY: Rosen Publishing.

^b Boodman, Sandra G. “Gifted and Tormented: Academic Stars Often Bullied—and More Likely to Suffer Emotionally as a Result.” The Washington Post. May 16, 2006. Accessed: May 21, 2011.

^c “Bully.” Online Etymology Dictionary.” 2001-2010. Accessed: May 21, 2011.

^d “Bullying.” American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. March 2011. Accessed: May 20, 2011.

^e “Bullying among Children and Youth with Disabilities and Special Needs.” Stop Bullying Now! Accessed: May 21, 2011.

^f “Bullying and Gay Youth.” Mental Health America. 2011. Accessed: May 21, 2011.

^g “Bullying and Weight.” Medline Plus. April 19, 2011. Accessed: May 21, 2011.

^h “Bullying Statistics / Cyber Bullying Statistics / School Bullying Statistics.” How to Stop Bullying. 2009. Accessed: May 21, 2011.

ⁱ “Children with Food Allergies Targeted by Bullies.” American College of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology. September 28, 2010. Accessed: May 21, 2011.

^j “Cyberbullying and the Law.” Media Awareness Network.” 2010. Accessed: May 21, 2011.

^k Gladstone, G.L., G.B. Parker, and G.S. Malhi. “Do Bullied Children Become Anxious and Depressed Adults?” The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disorders. March 2006. PubMed. Gov. Accessed: May 21, 2011.

^l Hamilton, Jill. Ed. 2008. Bullying and Hazing. New York, NY: Greenhaven Press.

^m Kane, Kristin. “Childhood Plastic Surgery to Combat Bullying: A Disturbing Trend, Doctors Say.” FoxNews Latino. May 18, 2011. Accessed: May 20, 2011.

ⁿ McDougall, Patricia. “What Happens over Time to Those Who Bully and Those Who Are Victimized?” Education.com. 2006-2011. Accessed: May 21, 2011.

^o Rosenthal, Beth. 2008. Bullying. New York, NY: Greenhaven Press.

^p “Stars Who Were Bullied.” US Magazine. Accessed: May 25, 2011.

^q “We Must All Prevent Bullying.” School Bullying Council. March 29, 2011. Accessed: May 20, 2011.

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11 Facts About Bullying

1. Over 3.2 million students are victims of bullying each year.
2. Approximately 160,000 teens skip school every day because of bullying.
3. 17% of American students report being bullied 2 to 3 times a month or more within a school semester. Take a stand in your community by hosting a Bullying Policy Makeover event customizing your school’s anti-bullying policy.
4. 1 in 4 teachers see nothing wrong with bullying and will only intervene 4% of the time.
5. By age 14 less than 30% of boys and 40% of girls will talk to their peers about bullying.
6. Over 67% of students believe that schools respond poorly to bullying, with a high percentage of students believing that adult help is infrequent and ineffective.
7. 71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.
8. 90% of 4th through 8th graders report being victims of bullying.
9. 1 in 10 students drop out of school because of repeated bullying.
10. As boys age they are less and less likely to feel sympathy for victims of bullying. In fact they are more likely to add to the problem than solve it.
11. Physical bullying increases in elementary school, peaks in middle school and declines in high school. Verbal abuse, on the other hand, remains constant.

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The Impact of Bullying

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Why kids bully

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Rachel Crow - Mean Girls

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Safebook

Cyberbullying.

We don’t think about it until someone we know and care about is affected.

Bullying is nothing new. I experienced my share in school. Each of our sons had theirs in junior high and high school.

I was astounded to discover that, if you are a boy starting 7th grade, you better wear boxer shorts or the “sports jocks” will taunt you in the dressing room before physical education class.  Even though my son talked to the teacher, it didn’t stop. So, we outfitted my son with boxer shorts. It didn’t stop the bullying entirely, but we did remove an extremely uncomfortable situation for my son.

It’s no surprise that bullying has gone online. Social media tools connect teens with their friends at all hours of the day and night. And it is so easy to set up a page/account.

Harmless Prank or Something More?

When he was a freshman in high school, some girls decided to set up a page on MySpace for my older son. My son wasn’t interested in having a page but when he told them he didn’t want one, the girls took matters into their own hands. Fortunately, my son was able to get the password for the page from those girls. He changed the password and the girls moved on to some other amusement.

But, that event worried me. It was too easy for those girls to become someone else online. So when my oldest signed up for Facebook, I did, too. To avoid freaking out his friends, I didn’t comment on his page in public. But I was able to see what was going on. I did the same for our younger son a few years later.  Unfortunately, not enough parents are aware that they need be continually communicating with their teens about what’s happening on social media. It’s not just Facebook anymore

The statistics are shocking:

• One million children were harassed, threatened or subjected to other forms of cyberbullying on Facebook during the past year. (Consumer Reports, 2011)
• 1 in 6 parents know their child has been bullied via a social networking site. (American Osteopathic Association, 2011)
• More girls are cyberbullies than boys (59% girls and 41% boys) (Teen Online & Wireless Safety Survey: Cyber bullying, Sexting and Parental Controls.  Cox Communications Teen Online and Wireless Safety Survey in Partnership with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, 2009.)
• More cyberbullying statistics are available at Internet Safety 101

So, What Can A Parent Or Grandparent Do?

Start by talking with your teen.  You can use the Safety Tips that are available on this page atInternet Safety 101. You can also download a two page tip sheet to share with your son or daughter.

Or, use this Safebook poster from Fuzion Marketing-PR-Design (PDF available for download). Have your son or daughter share it with friends.

Let’s teach our teens the importance of maintaining privacy, know who they are “friending” online and to speak out if they are being cyberbullied or someone they know is. Let’s let each teen know how much we care and want to help.

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